#49 JUST A TASTE
(Americana)
The cop said...
Wade, you need to let me help you here.
You good? Want a Fresca or a Slim Jim?
You have to let those people go Wade.
Before the stuff that nobody wants begins.
I said...
Sure, whatever. You're just my friend, right?
You get me a Moon-Pie, can I keep the gun?
There's what, like, thirty of you out there?
You're saying you'll just undo what I've done?
What can you say about a man called Wade?
Chasing the needle, angry, life's a waste.
Caught on the nod then fired was the spark,
Now what's he doing? He chose the place.
A small little hold-up, just a taste.
The cop said...
Let's both be clear about what we want,
For me, everyone walking out safe and sound.
But what for you? Tell me and I promise
We work together, answers can be found.
I said...
It's my move now in this stupid dance?
Chopper to a plane to somewhere you can guess.
And I... Wait. You think I'm ready for this?
Wanted to buy some time, not start this mess.
What do folks say about that man called Wade?
Those who know his family said "He never fit."
Those who love him wish he'd skipped that party.
Not seen his friend snorting powder, stupid smile on his face,
Who laughed then asked him "Want to try? Just a taste?"
I look at the people, their eyes bright and wide.
They really think phone guy can help me decide?
The man in suit mutters, the girl in jeans sighs,
Hoping there's a plan puts them back in their lives
That old woman, who's wondering where she's been?
I really need a taste. But the phone rings again.
The cop said...
Wade, I won't lie to you. I hoped
We'd not get to where the bad stuff begins.
But our choices are now down to two,
You're coming out, or we're coming in.
I said...
Two choices are more than I'm used to,
'Cause there's not much in my life left to ruin.
I'll come out. You smash in here, people get hurt.
But once I'm out, not sure what I'm doing.
What do I say about that fool called me?
Changes nothing if all my mistakes I trace.
Most seemed like good ideas at the time.
Had a dream, half a plan, both now misplaced.
My life ever what I wanted? Just a taste.
Gun or hands up, not sure, but not this any more,
Move the barricade, unlock and open the door.
See all the men who'll still have dinner if I die.
Look up, see a small bird on the wire -- How high can he fly?
#48 THE EMPTINESS
(Americana)
Now lacking the calm of your touch,
And your smiling pauses on the phone.
My fear leaving when I could see you,
Only memories of our warm home.
I see the dark that shows with a blink,
Sense of something just askew.
Beneath, behind everything,
Vast cold silence, crouching out of view.
Chill wind at the keyhole peeking through,
A frigid, unexpected morning dew.
The bridge collapsed, walls stripped bare,
Bone forest of unanswered prayers.
The pause 'tween heartbeats, with chill caress,
The void, the blank, the emptiness.
The emptiness. The emptiness.
You joked "If I die, I will haunt you."
I joked "Bring it! I've dealt with worse!"
But then you did, and then you didn't,
Your absence froze that promise to a curse.
And now the empty crowds in,
Bold and pleased by your going.
Love, joy, and light all drying up,
Cold empty overflowing.
Don't fight what you're now knowing,
Silent void still large and growing.
The fields are frozen, candle's out.
Stillness laughs and silence shouts.
Each moment marks my progress,
Where I'm bound for -- the emptiness.
The emptiness.
See it now shroud the eyes of others
Feel it tugging on my covers.
Shameful secret I can whisper at night:
Worked to hide the empty from my sight
My crushed heart did the full showing:
Empty was always there and now growing
I walk slowly, cry softly in the rain,
The empty muzzles, stills my pain.
No grace to thank, no sins to confess,
Where I live now, the emptiness.
The emptiness.
If you ever return, my tardy ghost,
I fear the castle doors could be closed.
But they might open on my request.
See, I'm now king of the emptiness.
The emptiness.
#47 THE CIRCUS
(Americana)
Daddy always loved the circus,
Did my best, it made me nervous.
Smell of peanuts... jumping, scary clowns.
I smiled so Daddy wouldn't frown,
Don't like when the circus comes to town.
Whole family went when I was six,
But that was the time he caused a scene.
Poked an elephant, yelled at some man,
Ma said "Last time." Daddy said "You're mean!"
Each year just us two went, rain or shine,
As leaves turned gold, chill wind would sing.
Liked the music -- monkeys were okay.
Faked loving my Daddy's favorite thing.
My father tried to live the circus,
Gave his pain a place, a purpose.
Angry when he saw me acting down,
Chased beer with whisky, chased fights around,
Exhausting when the circus won't leave town.
Too many calm days without the circus
My father would yell "Let's make one!"
Booze, shouts and music, growls and laughter,
Ma and me trapped 'neath his big top, row one.
Was in high school when Ma had to say,
"Get dry or get gone." Said what she meant.
He ran off and joined a small room across town,
And then drank til God took down the tent.
My new man cavorts 'stead of talking,
Keeps us both running 'stead of walking.
You miss what's happening all around,
When you're spun and laughing, spellbound.
When did the circus come back to town?
I've got a type, he's yet another,
Less close friend, more distant lover.
My men for some reason just won't last,
Ignore the reason, that link to my past.
Don't want to see who comes into sight,
Beneath the red nose and clown white.
One day got tired of not looking,
Kissed him, peeked beneath the mask.
Familiar face there, my problem not his,
But not fair to let him think we would last.
I know the past won't leave, but why do
Escape artists keep reattaching their chains?
I'd missed it coming back this year,
Go see what the circus left, what remains.
Drove to the edge of town, walked the site,
Autumn chill, chimney smoke, moonlit night.
Trampled grass, stray tinsel blown around,
Regret rides the winds, fear can't be found,
I think if I want, I’ve seen my last clown
I can choose when the circus comes to town.
#46 WELL PAST TIME
(Big Band)
It's well past time,
To give our love a chance.
This well-formed rhyme,
My asking perchance to dance.
No more waiting or debating,
I'm done with contemplating.
It's well past time.
It's half past one,
And I'm fast awake.
This heartache's well past fun,
I need you -- make no mistake.
No more wondering or pondering,
We can't be squandering:
It's well past time.
You shine, sublime divine valentine,
Vying, trying, dying to make you mine.
....make you mine.
This wanting is haunting,
Love's dawning is daunting.
It's well past time.
A crime if we're not even trying,
The heart you hold in your hands is mine.
This wanting is haunting,
Love's dawning is daunting.
It's well past time.
A crime if we're not even trying,
The heart you hold in your hands is mine.
It's well past time,
To give our love a chance.
This well-formed rhyme,
My asking perchance to dance.
No more waiting or debating,
I'm done with contemplating.
It's well... well past time.
#45 THE SIDELINE
(Americana)
Sitting on the sideline watching,
Half-filled stadium, hard bench, wanting more.
On the game field, but never in it,
Full uniform, no chance to score.
Past thick with wrong turns and fumbles,
All the victories I never earned.
Jobs, places, loves, paths not taken,
Right choice, right time never learned.
Spent a life stuck on close or almost,
Haunting the game, lonely watchful ghost.
Fear of failing kills even trying.
When the whistle blows, there's no more time,
Can't stay frozen here on the sideline.
Second half, fourth quarter, ninth inning,
Scoreboard shows we're late in the game.
All the "never got around to it"'s,
The "don't quite have"'s, me to blame.
Last week of law school I up and quit,
Love of my life married my brother.
Choked on joining my best friend's startup,
Endless "nearly"'s, one after another.
Spent a life fighting close or almost,
Learning the game, fed-up watchful ghost.
Thought wisdom was not even trying.
Whistle shrills, there's no more time,
Won't stay trapped here on the sideline.
Age fifty two, eyes now wide open,
"This can't be my life!" Simply spoken.
Said "I can do this." Fear unclenched.
Put on my helmet, rose from the bench.
“Coach, can I join the game at last?”
He smiled, “You didn't need to ask.”
No more life poised on close or almost,
Joined the game, now a grateful player.
Watching and waiting brought me to trying.
Play hard 'til the whistle, don't track the time,
Finally in the game and miles from that sideline.
#44 MY NAME IS HOPE
(Americana)
My mother said my name was a gift.
A light within that never goes out.
When she got sick, felt my feelings shift
I know she didn’t mean to lie.
I left the word at age nine because,
My name only brought pain when she died.
Lies when it tells you climb the mountain,
Deceives, saying wish in that fountain
Beware when it says open the gate,
My name is Hope, and my name I hate.
To be fair, didn't hate it at first.
But belief in it just did nothing,
As my life raced from bad to worst.
Pa's broken heart stopped six years after.
Me and my sister June's childhoods were
Lived in slight love, even less laughter.
No good guys above, bad guys below
Unicorns, moonbeams or rainbows.
Trudge countless miles, have to get tough.
My name is Hope, what's real is enough.
Kept living, never dropped to a knee.
Moving forward, me and my sister
Times I carried June, times she carried me.
Then in my journey, one day more pain.
As I trudged forward, June turned aside.
Stepped off High Bridge same month as her name
Had lovers that left, dear friends that lied
Never the right map, never the right guide.
No warning whistle, no coal canary,
My name is Hope, pain I can carry.
Today the mirror told me what it's showing.
I am the girl who will always keep going.
Seems that most need a promise, a better
Bright star to follow in verse or in letter.
Belief in their destiny, some perfect note,
My name is Hope, I won't and I don't.
Legs worn from the trudge, I still smile and rest
But I will never -- my name -- for the best.
Life's a hard path, not a soft floating stream.
My name is Hope, just a name, not a dream.
Just a name, not a dream.
#43 91,300 Kisses
(Americana)
Sixteen-years-old in my kitchen,
Mom says "Close your laptop, enough code."
"Roxanne, you're so smart and so intense."
"Boys like to show off, not be outshone."
But Mom knows I'm great at hiding how,
For me numbers are the world's best buffet.
I ever meet someone... interesting,
He asks what I want, then I could say.
True love, one house, three kids, five promotions,
Ninety vacations, mountains or oceans.
Don't need a bulls-eye, but close would be nice.
It's not me if the target's not precise.
Six hundred four late night fountain wishes,
And ninety one thousand, three hundred kisses.
Carried my numbers silently with me,
Through high-school, college, first job in tech.
All through the years, the numbers stayed right,
But wrong for all my dates, those painful wrecks.
Got my own startup, with co-working space,
Noticed another shop's engineer.
World's worst haircut, but skilled coder,
He listens, might be the one who hears.
True love, one house, three kids, five promotions,
Ninety vacations, mountains or oceans.
Don't need a bulls-eye, but close would be nice.
It's not me if the target's not precise.
Six hundred four late night fountain wishes,
And ninety one thousand, three hundred kisses.
Eighth date, he cooked, now drinking wine.
Nervous, finally the right time
"Those lists the girls make on TV?
Want to know mine? It's a lot, but it's me."
He said, "Gotta hear it!" I let out a breath,
Looked in his eyes, and then I said:
True love, one house, three kids, five promotions,
Ninety vacations, mountains or oceans.
Don't need a bulls-eye, but close would be nice.
It's not me if the target's not precise.
Six hundred four late night fountain wishes,
And ninety one thousand, three hundred kisses.
Six great years in, two kids and three promotions.
Numbers are wrong? Not the slightest notion!
My precisely right life. How do I know?
Eighty two thousand seven kisses to go!
#42 THE MAYOR OF STUPIDVILLE
(Americana)
Two grades ahead of me in school,
Head-down, quiet when he walked.
Always writing in a notebook,
Soft and slow when he talked.
Eddie was The Mayor of Stupidville
Everybody said it.
He stuttered, they all went "He's stupid!"
And I just didn't get it.
Town can't fix a pothole,
But they all say they know Eddie.
They don't know him, never will.
I'm the only one who's learned with,
The Mayor of Stupidville.
Ma said "Box of rocks beats that dummy,
Two times out of three."
Didn't have the heart to tell her,
Eddie's crooked smile crushes me.
Pa said "His gutters ain't been cleaned, his
Truck's a sight to see."
Didn't have the nerve to tell him,
Eddie's clever eyes look at me.
Town buys cop cars before schoolbooks,
But they all say they know Eddie.
They don't know him, never will.
I'm the only one who mapped stars with
The Mayor of Stupidville.
Dixie said "You can do much better.
Toss him back on the shelf."
Didn't waste my time explaining,
All that Eddie's learning by himself.
Whole town said "Boy's never been quite right,
A weirdo from the start"
They'll simply never understand,
The quiet stargazer who won my heart.
I drive over to his house,
He's jumping up and down,
Keeps looking at an email,
And shouting "Screw this town!"
"I love you Sally, come with me!"
"Don't make me drag you! Gotta warn ya,"
"I've just been hired to build rockets,"
"In Southern California."
Town doesn't know why Main Street's empty,
But they all say they know Eddie.
They don't know him, never will.
I'm the only one who voted for
The Mayor of Stupidville.
Leaving this dumb town tomorrow
Break of dawn, a better life.
I better wear a dress that's fancy,
I'm gonna be a mayor's wife.
#41 LONG WAY FROM NOWHERE
(Pop)
I'm a long way from nowhere,
And a short time from done.
You should let me in the castle,
Out here, my chances are none.
I must find the tallest tower,
That reaches towards the sun.
I'm a long way from nowhere,
And a short time from done.
There's the part where you wander,
And the time where wings can't fly.
And the place where you look backwards,
And the paths you shouldn't try.
Don't forget the weight you came for,
No pause for love's embrace.
Beyond your thoughts and feelings,
Remains the task you can't replace.
I'm a long way from nowhere,
And a short time from done.
You should let me in the castle,
Out here, my chances are none.
I must find the tallest tower,
That reaches towards the sun.
I'm a long way from nowhere,
And a short time from done.
I know about the maiden,
Locked within the tallest keep.
Counts the stars and then she tastes them,
But chooses not to weep.
I've seen the lonely minstrel,
His piebald coat of arms.
He sings a song of blackbirds,
To prove his lilting charms
I'm a long way from nowhere,
And a short time from done.
You must let me in the castle,
Out here, my chances are none.
I'll climb the tallest tower,
Stretch out and touch the sun.
I'm a long way from nowhere,
And a short time from done.
I'm a long way from nowhere,
And a short time from done.
You must let me in the castle,
Out here, my chances are none.
I must climb the tallest tower,
Stretch out and touch the sun.
I'm a long way from nowhere,
And a short time from done.
Who knows what we'll become?
#40 THIRD BANANA DAIQUIRI
(Americana)
It's a sweet drink on a table,
I'm a sad girl on vacation.
Tropical, far-flung, romantic.
Beach cabana, dark thoughts, pale rum.
Should be with my man, he's somewhere,
Should be enchanted, but I'm not.
Should know what to do, but I don't,
Should have some doubts, but not a lot.
Maybe just liquor and jet lag,
Feel the breeze, take another sip.
Sad back at home, thought I could
Fix things with a perfect trip.
Now I'm in a strange musical,
Singing an out-of-tune song.
Trapped in a faded postcard,
Beach, palms, sunset, all wrong.
Life is a path: start on our way,
Believed I was just pretty, lost my way
I left the right path for me.
And the person I might be.
What got me thinking? Drinking
My third banana Daiquiri.
All my mistakes poured out,
Built up over countless days.
I find men who love me, but
Only when and if I behave.
After college I chose,
Big bucks, prestige, brass ring.
But I was a music major,
Taught children to sing.
Sun set, my glass empty,
Doubts and worries still plenty.
But answers not out of reach,
Why so blue before the beach.
Spent my pretty, ignored the cost,
Racing forward, completely lost.
Piano teacher, true words she'd choose,
I now remember after all this booze
Mrs. Parker always knew me, said
"Mandy, you're more than just pretty."
Life is a path: start on our way,
Believed I was just pretty, lost my way
I left the right path for me.
And the person I could be.
What got me thinking? Drinking
My third banana Daiquiri.
Here I am, new apartment,
No man, teaching singing,
Know who I am, where I go.
Back on a path that's right,
Got a nudge from one tropical night.
#39 TOO EARLY TO BE THIS LATE
(Americana)
My friend Sandra introduced us.
Spring semester, final dance.
You kept explaining physics,
Cute but nervous, gave you a chance.
The right choice I learned quickly.
Your nerves left, out came the goofy.
The funny and smart,
Spent hours debating movies.
Talked past the dance's end, through the night.
Timeless, things turned from good to right.
You said there at my dorm's back gate.
"Is this the time? Must be a mistake!"
"It's way too early to be this late."
It's been that way ever since.
Talked and laughed through a marriage,
Two sons, five, no wait six, houses,
Hard life sometimes, most times we cherished.
Family and friends share the same tale,
Countless weekends, parties and trips.
In a corner laughing, just us two,
Into that timeless place we'd slip.
Fall morning, still half dressed,
Youngest just gone from the nest.
Some times for the timeless, time doesn't wait.
Shared glance, same thought, no debate,
It's far too early to be this late.
Hospitals are noisy and cold,
Staff whisper to us, trying to console.
I've kissed you, hugged you, now don't want to look.
Gather up your glasses and your book.
First of many hills left to climb,
Timeless, now tossed back into time.
Only you could make time itself slow,
We were at that gate a moment ago.
I'm just not ready. Can we please wait,
Living without you just can't be my fate.
My love, my life: it's too early to be this late.
#38 NO PLACE LIKE MY HOME
(Americana)
We're watching Dorothy in Oz,
Living room, the kids, you and me.
When it's done and we're alone,
You peek over your mug to see.
If young Judy's saying took me back,
To my past and that cold dark place.
I smiled, said no, closed my eyes,
Gave soft thanks for some hard-won grace.
Lucky ones get to grow up safe and warm,
Rest of us were born into a cold storm.
Make it through, outlast the wind, waves and foam,
We still fight a chill wherever we roam.
That's why my house is no place like my home.
Bright blue farmhouse with a long white porch,
Hid the high tides of pain within.
Glazed eyes, tight fists, whiskey breath,
A night with my father begins.
Left the moment I could fight back,
But the anger came along for the ride.
Fled the army, dead-end jobs and good women,
Any moment of peace self-denied.
Lucky ones get to grow up safe and warm,
Rest of us were born into a cold storm.
Make it through, outlast the wind, waves and foam,
We still fight that chill wherever we roam.
That's why our house is no place like my home.
Tossed on the rocks, tired and broken,
Sinking til a small flame awoken.
In the program, met people, met hope,
And someone who taught me how to float.
Tall farm girl, quiet, eyes soft and kind,
You left storms of your own far behind.
Lucky ones get to grow up safe and warm,
Rest of us were born into a cold storm.
We made it through, outlasted the wind, waves and foam,
Stopped fighting that chill wherever we roam.
And with our love, made this house no place like my home.
#37 NO TIME TO SPEND
(Americana)
Time to look in the mirror,
More than the empty house.
You're always working,
Networking, out and about.
But now you don't look at me,
Stare through me, or just away.
Smile, shoulder squeeze, forehead kiss,
You're off on your day.
Is there something I should know?
Too tired? Let myself go?
Sad when Rose left for school,
Smiles with the ladies at the pool.
No, the tales I'm telling won't stand,
I know how we began.
No time to wait, or to lose.
That's how things started.
For a minute, for a second,
We couldn't bear to be parted.
That was then, this is now.
Our clock stopped, no time to pretend.
What was no time to waste,
Timeworn into no time to spend.
Time to cry in the mirror.
You swore, said I was nuts.
Said, "Where's your evidence?
Lipstick on cigarette butts?"
"There's no there there.
No damn proof in a feeling."
"It's a new phase in your life,
You're simply not dealing."
True, had thoughts for a while.
Your longer laugh, touch stronger smile.
Less a neck red from kissing,
More, connection gone missing.
Any woman can tell you why,
Men try too hard when they lie.
No time to wait, or to lose.
That's how things started.
For a minute, for a second,
We couldn't bear to be parted.
That was then, this is now.
Our clock stopped, no time to pretend.
What was no time to waste,
Timeworn into no time to spend.
Time to smash the damned mirror,
I caught you two together.
That designer from your work,
Tired cliché, unoriginal jerk.
How to proceed? Here's a clue:
Taking it all, and I told you.
"Divorce lawyer's office on Vine,
I'll text the details. Make time!"
No time to wait, or to lose.
That's how things started.
For a minute, for a second,
We couldn't bear to be parted.
That was then, this is now.
Our clock stopped, no time to pretend.
What was no time to waste,
Timeworn into no time to spend.
Spending time alone to think,
'Til what's next is clearer.
First, the mall or somewhere nearer,
My apartment needs a new mirror.
#36 A GIRL NAMED RIOT
(Country)
"Wanna go somewhere and do something?"
She sat down and broke the quiet.
Drinking by myself at the bar.
Young man wanting change, can't deny it.
Change showed up: tall, tattoos, red hair.
And I took a drive with a girl named Riot.
"World calls me Janey, but my name's Riot."
She smiled, eyes dancing fire.
"Car's outside, let's go find some trouble."
I smiled, hot with desire.
Tell you I remember everything,
That would make me a liar.
But still carry nearly all with me,
Time I was lifted higher.
Clearest are the flashes from that night,
Sharp click when she cocked the gun.
Sweating brow of the liquor store clerk,
Wild gasping laughs as we run.
Warm burn tossing back stolen whiskey,
Pile of cash, proves what we've done.
Speeding those back roads, radio loud,
My true new journey begun.
Breaking laws with a wild tall redhead,
Mister, that's five long miles from quiet.
Sounds like trouble, and it is.
But pal, don't knock it til you try it.
Shift your life out of neutral the day you,
Go for a drive with a girl named Riot.
I said "You're gold. How'd you get like this?"
She leaned in, "It comes with the name."
Fingers dancing lightly on my neck,
I was a moth to her flame.
We hid in a barn, tobacco stink,
Blue cop lights ready to blame.
When she dropped me off at dawn, she said:
"Try shooting before you aim."
Never saw her again after that night,
Made all my other nights seem lame.
Hunt bounties now, looking for the same juice,
Never matched it, and buddy that's a shame.
Breaking laws with a wild tall redhead,
Mister, that's five long miles from quiet.
Sounds like trouble, and it is.
But pal, don't knock it til you try it.
Shift your life out of neutral the day you,
Go for a drive with a girl named Riot.