#47 THE CIRCUS
#47 THE CIRCUS
(Americana)
Daddy always loved the circus,
Did my best, it made me nervous.
Smell of peanuts... jumping, scary clowns.
I smiled so Daddy wouldn't frown,
Don't like when the circus comes to town.
Whole family went when I was six,
But that was the time he caused a scene.
Poked an elephant, yelled at some man,
Ma said "Last time." Daddy said "You're mean!"
Each year just us two went, rain or shine,
As leaves turned gold, chill wind would sing.
Liked the music -- monkeys were okay.
Faked loving my Daddy's favorite thing.
My father tried to live the circus,
Gave his pain a place, a purpose.
Angry when he saw me acting down,
Chased beer with whisky, chased fights around,
Exhausting when the circus won't leave town.
Too many calm days without the circus
My father would yell "Let's make one!"
Booze, shouts and music, growls and laughter,
Ma and me trapped 'neath his big top, row one.
Was in high school when Ma had to say,
"Get dry or get gone." Said what she meant.
He ran off and joined a small room across town,
And then drank til God took down the tent.
My new man cavorts 'stead of talking,
Keeps us both running 'stead of walking.
You miss what's happening all around,
When you're spun and laughing, spellbound.
When did the circus come back to town?
I've got a type, he's yet another,
Less close friend, more distant lover.
My men for some reason just won't last,
Ignore the reason, that link to my past.
Don't want to see who comes into sight,
Beneath the red nose and clown white.
One day got tired of not looking,
Kissed him, peeked beneath the mask.
Familiar face there, my problem not his,
But not fair to let him think we would last.
I know the past won't leave, but why do
Escape artists keep reattaching their chains?
I'd missed it coming back this year,
Go see what the circus left, what remains.
Drove to the edge of town, walked the site,
Autumn chill, chimney smoke, moonlit night.
Trampled grass, stray tinsel blown around,
Regret rides the winds, fear can't be found,
I think if I want, I’ve seen my last clown
I can choose when the circus comes to town.